The fun, such as it is, begins with a call from (773) 657-4391. You’ll be asked how long you’ve been in business, and what the turnover in your business checking account is. Pretty much, unless you tell them you’ve only been in business for three weeks and the account has a negative balance, you’ll be approved.

Upon approval, you are forwarded to a so-called “lender.” This person asks a few more questions. They sound very encouraging, and make sure they have your phone number to follow up. If you ask questions, they are vague, but make it clear that there’s no credit check, no background investigation, no due diligence. About the only piece of information you get is that they are “Target Advance.”

A few hours later, you get a call from (844) 852-6512. Now the company is “Merchant Capital Partners” or “Merchant Quick.” It is not clear from speaking to them that they are connected, but it seems that they are. These people ask more questions, and continue to extol the amounts they lend and the sparseness of the requirements for receiving the loan.

Where does it all go? Not sure, but it can’t be good. Advice: do not give these people anything like banking details. If they are persistent, demand that they remove you from their call list. If they don’t do that, waste their time on the phone, tell them you have been in business for twenty years, have a monthly turnover of just under a million dollars, and tell them you own the patent for alternating current.